I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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