doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
