the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
