I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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