guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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