FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
