Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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