i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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