Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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