Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
