I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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