Please, let me fuck your mom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
