So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
