lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
