bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
