she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i barfeds in our rink
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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