dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
