I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
