i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
