Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We don't watch enough power rangers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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