My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
