Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
