Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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