So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
