Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
