If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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