True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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