So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
