I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
