didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so explain again why im purple
no
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
