He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
