im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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