Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
