Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
