If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
