I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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