I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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