Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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