he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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