Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
