The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this boner is exhausting
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Randomize
