screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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