In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
