Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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