I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
