Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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