Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
