whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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