So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
