My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
