Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
